He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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