I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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