go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
