My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will be naked everywhere
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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