he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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