Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
