he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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