Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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