I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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