I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
