I just saw a hot homeless man
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
