Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
