I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
