Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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