That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
