I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
