I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
