i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
