forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
