WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
