I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
