I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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