I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
