The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
