I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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