If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
