so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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