I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
