Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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