she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
