I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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