I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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