would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
