This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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