i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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