Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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