Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
