I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
