I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
