So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
