Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
