who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
In America we eat man semen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
