I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
