I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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