We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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