You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
