in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
