I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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