flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
