It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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