She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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